Thursday, March 5, 2015

Blog Ambitions vs. Reality

It's been OVER A YEAR, since I wrote the last post. In my lame defense, I kept a journal for a few weeks last year.

Things I've missed documenting:

Trip to Hawaii.
Trip to Sweden.
My thirtieth birthday.
Lois's third birthday.
Trip to Disneyland.
Third pregnancy.
Our fifth anniversary.
Johannes's first birthday.
My aunt's passing.
The birth of my third child.

Seeing the list of things I should have taken better care to preserve makes first feel guilty but the more I think about it the more I realize that there's no need for that.
I lived it. We all did. It was beautiful and memorable and we took lots of pictures along the way.

I remember Johannes at four months, pulling his feet out of the water at a beach on the Big Island because he didn't like cold water. In reality the temperature was just right, the sand so fine and white and the weathered, gnarled trees the perfect shade that I cannot wait to return to beach 69.
I remember pulling on my snorkel gear when the sun was giving the last of it's light, swimming out from the lava rock shore of Two Step and touching a turtle in it's natural habitat while holding my lover's hand. Pure bliss.

I remember flying to Sweden by myself with my two kids, how we hoped and hoped for a white Swedish Christmas and all we got was rain. Long walks through the green forest and my mother's delicious cooking and my cozy childhood home. New years eve in town with my honey, the random dent in the car from someone kicking it that night. Swedish fiddlers at the neighbor's house was a great moment to remember.

I remember turning thirty in California, spending the day by the pool watching Lois splash around. We ate at my favorite restaurant in Oceanside (the chocolate mousse is divine) and played with the kids on the beach. Lois lost her stuffed IKEA cat somewhere in the sand.

So many small and big moments. So many firsts and lasts.
This is reality. To live wholly and fully. And to learn from the past.

So, I renew my resolve to write about life as it comes.

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