Friday, October 7, 2011

I truly believe.

Is it just me, or are there more still borns, early terminations, extreme pre-mees and miscarriages around you too than ever before?

Is it because I have a child myself that I'm suddenly acutely aware of the painful side of childbearing, namely the loss of one so dearly wished, expected and hoped for?

This past year it seems like there have been so many sad news from friends and family, the latest one being today were a father proclaimed on Facebook that his wife is now back to having only one heart beat and he thanks everyone for their love and well wishes.
Just a couple of weeks ago a dear friend lost her son in labor after a complete, full term pregnancy.
He had a name, a nursery and a family anxious to meet him.

I want to cry.
I don't know what I would do if it were me.
I hope it's never me.
But at this rate, I can't say "That will never be me".

I feel almost guilty for having a beautiful, healthy baby while others suffer through the pain of loss.
I want to hide her so that she won't remind anyone of what they lost.

Why? WHY?? I ask myself
But then I realized something that I'm sure has occurred to more people than just me.

With the knowledge that I have of this world, this life and our Father in heaven and his plan I've come to the conclusion that these sad events are indeed signs of our time. 
The return of the Savior of the world is close.
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we understand the sad things in life with a perspective most people don't have. We believe we will see our loved ones again, that our children will always belong to us, and that hope is never lost.
Our children that were taken too soon where meant for other things, greater things beyond this world. That they do have a mission to accomplish, a purpose to fulfill. 
I don't have all the right answers nor do I claim to know all things, but this I do trust: the Lord has a plan for all his children.
It's not destiny, it's not fate. It was predetermined as we proved loyal to His plan as it was presented before the beginning of time. We were foreordained to be who we are because we already were somebody before we came here and we will continue to be somebody when we pass beyond the veil of death.

To those who do not share my belief, all I can say is, each person must find truth in their own life. It's their duty and privilege to acquire knowledge so that they may make informed decisions for themselves. They owe it to themselves to explore ALL possibilities. 

But no matter who you are or what you believe,
this IS truth and I will stand for it and trust it now more than ever:
That God is real, a Father in heaven that DOES care, that does know our hearts and that He can indeed speak to us as we are willing to listen. That He yearns for us to return to Him because he loves us.

That Jesus Christ was no mere mortal, that he is the Son of God, the risen Lord, the conquerer of life and death. The only Begotten who gave his life to save ours.

That this life is our time to be tested and tried as we choose between good and evil, between what is popular/politically correct and what is righteous, between a love of the worldly and a love of our Savior.

If it is my lot in life to experience the pain of loss of a loved daughter or son, I will not despair for their sake. All I can do is my very best to deserve to have that child again, to deserve to return to my Father and to deserve the blessings that God is waiting to pour down on me by staying faithful to the One that gave me life and those lives that I will bear as my children.

Those around me that have suffered the excruciating loss of a child have borne it so well, with so much dignity, power and love. Their examples mean the world to me as their faith is stronger than ever, because faith must and will always endure.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Ode to Atlas the barbarian

Who knew that parting with a dog could be so emotional?

I cried. Not for his sake but for mine. 

Atlas came to me as a surprise in a box on my front step. Kimball was waiting around the corner and I went and got him because I knew he was there... He was mad about it. "Why can't you just at least pretend like you don't know I'm here!!??"
The box was shaking and Kimball had been muttering about delayed furry birthday gifts and what not for weeks.
Dead give away.
This time I knew it wasn't a bunny (Christmas gift 2009, it's had a gift bow on its head).

So there he was, small, scared, cute as heck sitting on my kitchen floor wondering where his mom and his brothers and sisters where.
10 minutes later he'd forgotten all about them and was jumping on me and sniffing around.
He never cried once.

Kimball and I slept on the back porch with him so he wouldn't pee in the house. He'd try to crawl into bed with us and would bite our hair and put his wet nose on our faces.
He grew up to be such a handsome, smart dog.

We decided he would be raised to be an outdoor dog and boy is he ever! Rain, snow or shine he would sleep on his back in the middle of the back yard. Or on top of his dog house for that matter. He didn't know the difference.
Sadly we found that we didn't have the time to give him everything he needed to be a happy outdoor dog. And having such a big dog with all that shedding inside the house with our baby girl seemed impossible.

The best thing for Atlas was to be given a new home where he can live with a family, with kids to play with and people that have time and space for him.

Today a couple came and picked him up. They run a program where dogs are trained to serve as aids to children that have a hard time learning how to read. They help calm their nerves and serve as faithful friends who always listen and never make fun of their reading.
So, Atlas is in a home with some dog friends, a loving family and soon he'll be trained to have a job.

It's exactly what he needs and deserves.
I will miss him for a long time.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Facebook updates you've so far been spared.

I really have to restrain myself so as to not constantly write FB updates about baby Lois.
It's HARD.

Here's all the things I've wanted to post these past weeks all at once.

-Lois is crazy funny and smiles all the time.
-Lois won't let me just hold her. She'd rather be playing ALONE with her toys. She'll be getting a job and moving out soon apparently..
-Lois drank some water today and liked it. I could tell by her huge, wet, gummy smile.
-Lois looks at me and smiles when I nurse her... <3
-Lois likes Iron and Wine, Norah Jones and Justin Beiber. Go figure.
-Lois has eagle eyes. She can see me from across the room and will call out to get me to come over.
-Lois likes it when I sing and tries to do it to.
-Lois sometimes talks to the ceiling.
-Lois gets really mad when I make her go on her belly so she can exercise her back and neck.
-Lois talks back to me. Punk.
-Lois is a naturalist. Being naked outside is nice.
-Lois likes to play with her toys till she falls asleep.
-Lois makes a sound like a heavy weight lifter in the Olympics every time she poops.
-Lois like it when I use her back as a bongo drum.
-Lois eats fast and very little so she will miss as little as possible. Busy body.
-Lois is entertained by table cloths.
-Lois' eyes are always wide open as they'll go when she's awake. Makes her look very surprised and slightly crazy.
-Lois hates hats. She screams like an angry cat when I make her wear one.
-Lois smiles even though she doesn't know what's going on. She just knows that it's the right thing to do.
-Lois almost knows what her name is.

I'm in love with Lois.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Everything you ever wanted and never needed

Delta Airlines Sky Mall magazine.
It's the magazine version of infomercials. It will blow your mind!
Hold on to your wallets! 
Things are about to get reeeeeally tempting.

For the record, I love flying. So convenient. So fast. Great cookies.

Joaquin Phoenix and his tin foil never looked so good.

Skinny people don't wear body shapers. False marketing.

Want the scenery but not the French? This is the perfect compromise.

Christmas lights are cheaper.

Get your kitty cat friend her very own Death Star -now with music!
Da-da-da-tum-tada-tum-tada! You get the idea..

Perfect for sending secret S.O.S. messages to your friends.

Sword through monkey's back letter opener.  Doubles as a tooth pick. Yarr!

Does he kinda remind you of good old uncle Bob? That's because it's him...

Spying on your neighbors just got taken to a whole new level.

The washer that washes your muumuu while you're still wearing it!

The description says it all.

Vibrating applicator that apparently restores lip color.
What if you naturally have really pale lips?

Discover, Master, American Express, Visa AND and ATM card.
What I want to know is why the ATM card isn't any of the previous cards and why you car needs a card..

New research shows that you are less stressed when you sleep with  a rose in your hand..

It would take all day to aerate your lawn BUT call it a work out and it won't be a wast of time. Or money.
Be sure to get the replacement spikes.

Wondering what to get dad for fathers day? Look no further!

The future is here!
Now you can grow your hair back in the time it takes for your favorite team to win a game.

I like it.

You know this is an Asian product. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Hi, I have a daughter. Weird.

These are the facts.

I am married to a 31 year old MAN. 
(I remember when I thought anything past 25 was old...)
I used to be pregnant and now I'm not. 
(At some point you forget that you're not in your natural state and that it will end with a birth)
I am 27 years old. 
(Eh, that's three years away from 30... Let me repeat, 30!!!)
I am someone's mother. 
(I can't be. I'm someone's kid. If I'm a kid, how can I be a mother?)
I have a daughter. 
(I still don't know where she came from)
I was a missionary. 
(Sharing what I believe used to be kinda scary. Now it's seem silly to ever have had apprehensions about it.)
I live thousands of miles away from my parents. 
(Who does that?)
I love Utah. 
(I said I'd never live here. I obviously didn't know what I was taking about.)
I have a dog. 
(A cat is one thing, they are hardly any maintenance at all, but a dog? )
I have a house. 
(Only grown ups have houses...)
I have a car. 
(I would be relying on public transportation right now if I still lived in Sweden;)
I care about yard work. 
(Only grown ups with houses care about that sort of thing!)

I guess what it all adds up to is the inevitable truth that I'm all grow'd up.


It's a sneaky thing, the happening of growing up. You never know when it's going to hit you until you wake up one day and find that your grocery list includes diapers and shaving cream for men...
It is an amazing metamorphosis going from a free radical to being responsible for things greater than you alone.

All strangeness in major changes aside, I've never felt so fulfilled in all my life. 
Hi, I have a daughter. Wonderful.


(The video Kimball made has now had more than 500 hits on YouTube..)

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Genuine motivation is hard to come by

Kimball works all the time.
No, really.
He goes to the office early and until recently returns home late.
Every waking moment his mind is occupied with fluttering thoughts about business, investments, websites, products, employees, innovation etc. All I can do is try to keep up with his mind.

Actually, let me correct myself. I say every waking moment but I know for a fact that it's also most sleeping moments as I witness him talking in his sleep. 
In the middle of the night, out of no where his brilliant strategies sometimes burst out.
"If we pool our resources and do it together we can get a greater return on the investment.."

When Kimball is at his desk in the office working on something it is almost impossible to get his attention for more than a few seconds. He is in the zone. Complete tunnel vision, working on solving a problem or formulating a new idea.
Such is the life of a self-made man.

I've learned some things about good men from watching my father and now my husband (incidentally they are very much alike) and the way they feel about work. 

  • They take it very seriously. 
  • They believe in putting forth the greatest of effort. 
  • They take pride in their work. 
  • They enjoy the feeling of accomplishment. 
  • They like to reap a reward for their work. 
  • Their time is precious and will be well spent.
  • Most important of all, if they are not able to produce they feel utterly worthless.
  • They see money and wealth as a means to an end rather than a goal itself.

When we first got married he warned me that I so might feel like he was married to his business. I don't think I've ever felt secondary because I always felt that his hard work was for my sake, his family.

Right now Kimball is building out his company. He has found a bigger office space. He is employing some key people to carry the load of the system he is creating for his company.  He is formulating new ideas, concepts and products. He is doing everything he can to create an environment for his employees that promotes creativity, productivity and even fun.
Because Kimball loves to have fun more than anything. It's all for fun.
He likes working, it's for fun.
He like doing things he's never done before, it's for fun.
He likes to reap the rewards of hard work, so that he can have some fun.

In the midst of all the brain storming and serious crunch time there are important moments of laughter and fun to help motivate and liven the creative spirit.

Motivation can be hard to find sometimes but it's created not served.
With that in mind there truly is no limit to success.

This is currently what he's working with.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

A guiding hand and loving care

Cathy Larson is a wonderful woman full of tenderness and love toward mothers and babies.
She came into our lives as, it seems, was always intended. Her devotion and soothing spirit gave me what I needed to feel confident and determined in my decision to let Lois be born in her own home.

From the beginning when I first meth Cathy I knew I had found the right person. I had called around and talked to other midwives who where overbooked or busy with family and they led me to Cathy.
I liked her from the second I met her. 
She was calm and serene in her home office where numerous things testified of her personality. Great books and literature concerning religion, life, medicine and healing. Small articles of personal significance like pictures and knick knacks.

I'm not positive on the exact number of births she's attended but they are many. She even delivers her own grand children.  She will be serving as a midwife in Africa this summer, teaching, nurturing and assisting women that need her help.

The birth of Lois was the first delivery she did after having lost her close friend and colleague Briana Blackwelder, a young midwife with skilled hands who would assist Cathy at her deliveries as Cathy would assist her at hers. Briana was taken home to her Heavenly Father over Easter weekend and it's been an emotional few days mourning her while celebrating new life in the sacrifice of the Savior and the birth of a child. 

With all that was going on Cathy was calm and solid as ever and helped me through the most intense experience of my life.

Thank you Cathy. 
We love you dearly.

This is what life is all about II - The birth story

This here is the Extended Version.

We were at my in-law's having a birthday celebration. After dancing with Michael Jackson and shaking things up and having Gina (my sis-in-law and birthday girl) rub my feet, I was pretty much ready to pass out. By the time we left that night I was starting to feel the contractions come on. In the car on the way home I started to suspect that the time had come.

Kimball fell asleep right away at around 1 AM. I didn't. I was in labor and back pains where getting more and more severe with every contraction.
I paced around the bedroom trying to ease some of the tension. By 2:30 AM I called my midwife Cathy and then I woke Kimball up.
We started getting everything ready. Set up the birth pool and the hose hook up, clear space around the pool. 
Kimball was doing everything right. He worked hard at creating a peaceful place for the delivery. He drove to the store and got food and water bottles.
I noticed the intensity of the contractions were less in my mind when I was in the same room as Kimball.
I called my mom and talked to her for a little bit helping me keep my mind of the back pain.

I told Kimball to go to bed at around 4 AM.
He had a restless sleep until about 8 AM. Meanwhile, mother Mary showed up at around 7:30 AM well rested and ready to help. Cathy took off to get some things taken care off and returned at around 9 AM. 

By then my back was ready to explode with pain as every contraction came on. 
No relief except when Mary would push hard on my hips.

I got in the pool at around 9:30 AM and the water carried some of my pain away. Contractions where really intense and finally at around 10 AM the baby shifted lower and the back pain went away.
But now I had two more centimeters to go and that was the hardest part. 

Kimball was soothing me with delicate cool touch on my neck and hair. Bliss.
I was far a way in La la Land and stopped acknowledging people. I was making sounds like a cave woman trying to breathe and relax between contractions.

I still hadn't lost the plug and the sack was still intact. It was up to me and the baby to move things along.
Overwhelmingly strong forces took over and I started to push.
After a few pushes the plug released. A few more and the membrane popped like a balloon (thank you MJ, king of pop..) and to me it was almost audible.

Things picked up and I decided to just go for it. Far far away I heard Cathy telling me to take a break but I was done, ready, over it, on my knees pushing as hard as I could.
Baby crowned and all of a sudden she was coming out in a hurry. Cathy had her hand on baby's head behind me and was directing someone to take over in the front. 

No one had time to think or blink. 

Mary was the closest and made a dash for it and caught the baby as she came shooting out like an octopus! I could feel her little body push through. Magnificent feeling of release once the head was clear.
As Mary lifted the slippery little body out of the water the cord somehow snapped and colored the water red.
Cathy had it all clamped within seconds and that was it.

Baby Lois was breathing well, she was calm and perfect.
She opened her eye within seconds and lifted her little head to look around. It was the most spectacular thing I've ever seen. She didn't make a sound but merely blinked at the sudden light and change of surroundings.
She's strong, perfectly healthy and beautiful.

I'm in love.